My Yoga: This must be what they meant when they said "beginner's mind"

Photo from my first yoga teacher training -- courtesy of Samadhi Center for Yoga

In a lot of ways, I am starting over in my yoga practice. The going has been really slow and the work this time has been much harder than it’s ever been. It’s taking me longer to get my strength back and so many other things that come along with the practice. But, this is the first time I’m coming to my mat happy to experience the tiny changes that occur, the inner strengthening and alignment, the opening and the improvements that are so slight I could miss them if I was not paying attention. This is the first time I’ve had the patience to just experience those changes and not worry about where I am or should be going next.

Earlier this year, or maybe late last year, I came back to my mat after not really practicing for years. My body was stiff and sore and stagnant. I was embarrassed and angry with myself. While I wasn’t where I had started when I first began a yoga practice in the early 2000s, I had lost a lot of the flexibility and openness I had worked for. Essentially, now, I have to work as if I am a beginner. I consider that a boon.

I think that working as a beginner is probably how we should always come to the mat. As a beginner, we are more prone to be in a state of observation and interest, rather than of doing or accomplishment or just getting it done. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to be able to get into this mindset if I wasn’t kind of forced like I am right now to start again and work with my body in its present state. I think that this beginner’s mind is important and it is much more compassionate than a judicial mind, which nitpicks a soft belly, and an inability to do superhero poses. ;)

Every time I step onto my mat, I have to remind myself that this is where my body is right now. There is only what I can do right now. That’s all I have. …and just in the showing up, even when there are poses I can’t do (which is probably most of the time), even when there are frustrations, tears, and often, feelings of wanting to run out of the room, I come back to my breath. I come back to my breath because I know that this is also how I must live my life. I show up. I do what I can. I breathe. I see the possibilities and I don’t beat myself up because when I return, I can do more and if not, I do what I can again. I breathe again. . . .

The changes from my practice have been so subtle but they have been integral to a solid foundation. You hear that word a lot in yoga classes. There’s good reason, too. Would you build a house on a foundation that might fail? You might, but there would certainly be problems down the road. I am currently interested in building a strong foundation and I am enjoying putting together that part of my house.

Just Do You

 I walk with an aim for no fear and with movement
towards clarity, true love, and equanimity.
Doodle heart by Tameca L Coleman.

One of my new friends in music, Ahmad JP wrote the following on his Facebook page today: 

I'd tell you a personal milestone but my path is irrelevant to your own. So, just keep doing what you need to do for you and reap what you've sown.

I was annoyed at first. I loved the message but at the same time, it grated on me. 

I felt, and mentioned on his page, that there is power in telling stories. I'm thinking of all the times in which I have read something that hit me in such away that either inspired me to keep doing what I was doing, or to at least keep putting one foot in front of the other, while realizing that perhaps some of my stories might do the same for other people, as well. 

But that's the thing. I was inspired to keep doing my own do. 

I also wrote this in response to his post: 

Of course, most of us are too confessional, way too self-important. Our stories could distract others from their own due. Thank you, therefore, for the reminder that there's a gift, sacred and true, inside each and every one of us.

All any of us can do is speak to our own experience and tell how we did what we did. How we did something may not be true for someone else. We can teach our way and while there is value in that, there's more value, perhaps in getting to that spot within where the ingenuity of one's own essence can be sparked. This is a self-empowered light and I believe, the most powerful motivation and the most productive action. 

Ahmad's quote for me was compounded when I'd called my best friend for a check in and some help today. I told her, in frustration, about all the projects I was trying to do. Most of the projects weren't even my own. And you know what she said? "Just do you." 

It's not a message that is new. My Stepdad always said something similar while I was growing up, "'Meca, just keep doin' what you're doin'." 

Truth. I mean, what else can I do? It's more than fair to give my ideas a chance. If you want to hear about it, we can share. I might want to hear about your way, too. We can have tea and share our adventures and know that as long as we are walking in line with our own inner light and compass, we are doing our do, honest and true. In the meantime, I'm doing my work and perhaps my friend Ahmad is right about it. My experience is my own and the work is most important. We all have our own work to do and the prospects of that are simply beautiful (!).

I'm layin' down some seeds, and cutting loose the chaff for real this time. 

Also, if the message wasn't compounded enough, another friend who is becoming dear posted the following video by India Arie. I hope that it inspires you. 

I want to share something with you:

A lot of people know about the poetry therapy and other therapies workshops that Art from Ashes (AfA) uses to empower youth. Many do not know that AfA also hosts poetry therapy workshops for adults. I have attended two of their workshops now, have seen many youth workshops, and have adored the work that the folks at this organization do. I have adored the organization for many years now. What they do is powerful, beautiful, effective, and very close to my heart.

I want to share the following because I deemed the exercise as helpful and I really love what came out it. Reading it almost every day has been empowering, and I plan on continuing in this vein. I want to live a happy and empowered life, to make decisions from my heart, not from my hurt, and to transform my view of everything about me that seems to me as broken into blessings, or gifts for myself and those around me. I hope that doesn't sound silly, grandiose, or egoic. I hope it sounds true, because this is what I mean it to be; true and healing. The experience, both times with the workshops, have been healing ones for me. I am grateful for the work that the organization does and I am grateful for the ways in which the workshops have begun transforming my mindset.

i.
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I choose to let others be where they are without expecting them to live up to their promises or my hopes, wants, or expectations.
I choose to enjoy my own company.
I choose to make myself the beautiful meals I would make for a lover.
I choose to love what I have considered my deepest faults.
I choose to believe that the colors green, orange, and red seeping in through the window blinds as the sun rises as healing colors. I see them, and they are healing my deepest wounds.
I choose to believe that I am as wise and strong and powerful and beautiful as the sign on my door says I am -- the one I read just before leaving my house.
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I hope you are all well, whoever is reading this.
Peace.