For the bulk of my college career, I have shirked such classes. I have shirked such classes because I was not sure that any productivity came from them. I'd envisioned long talks in anger and hatred and continued separation in an "us vs. them" kind of stream. I worried that no healing came from such classes and that they created greater and greater rifts between groups of people.
I also shirked such classes because all of my life I have felt guilty. I have felt guilty for not being "black enough," not white, for being a woman, for being bisexual, for being somewhat intelligent and motivated and for wanting a good life, even. I have received flack for all of these things to the point that I have felt (and have been told that I should feel this way) that I am not entitled to taking part in the conversation because I have become integrated and I do not have the right kind of experience to take part. I did not grow up in the right community. I embraced the "wrong" mentalities. I am not part of "the struggle" and further, I am in between things. Attending such classes for me meant that I would live again through that guilt, and that by simply being there, my presence would offend. I certainly did not want that. I am trying to learn to like myself, you see.
Now I am almost in tears. I have not quite yet processed what I have been learning about this nation and my culture (my training), but I can say this:
* I now understand the meaning and reasoning behind the Sankofa bird. The bird is not daft. Remembering history is of the utmost importance and walking forward in that truth--remembering does not mean that one is wallowing in the past. It means that one is well equipped.
* I now understand why I have felt silenced and unable to express in a manner that is both satisfying and contributive to my society.
* I now realize that there is great need to contribute to the conversation with my particular points of view.
* I now realize how most of us have been silenced in a world that touts "freedom of speech and expression."
I am almost in tears because I wonder how many of us actually realize that we are living in a depoliticized history. Our story is a myth. Further, we have been trained to be acritical (with the near inability or blatant inability to think critically), politically correct (with the near inability to say anything without offending someone unless our terms are so broadened that they mean almost nothing), non-argumentative (with the inability to step forward against those things we disagree with or with those things that do not seem right at all) and therefore quiet!
It's a silent war, and perhaps the most deadly because it is rendering us all inept or at least forgetful. Our world is becoming Disneyfied, watered down and rewritten right under our noses, and has been for hundreds of years. This is extremely alarming to me because most of us are not budging. Most of us are keeping to ourselves, saying nothing and letting the rewriting continue.
My whole entity screams "No!" to that. I just don't know yet what to do about it. Learning and harboring the information is one thing. Taking some sort of action is another. New knowledge always means new responsibility, doesn't it?
**originally published on yourhub.com, May 2, 2009: http://denver.yourhub.com/Denver/Blogs/Archive/Politics/Activism/Blog~610679.aspx
I admire you for engaging in such challenging self exploration in relation to these topics and for sharing such a personal journey. We all must face these feelings of discomfort and confusion in order to process the past and current inequalities we all live with and within. This is in fact one way to answer your question; to encourage more people to examine themselves and their culture as you have. Naturally art is the best answer; attention grabbing, positive, interactive art. Metro has a couple of excellent classes on activism through art: Social Action Through the Arts and Women's Art Women's Issues just to name a few.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the class suggestions! Thank you for comments as well! Since I am no longer a student at Metro, I might try to glean a couple of the book/article lists from the profs teaching those classes, unless you have them? I am always down for good reading suggestions. Knowledge is power, right?
ReplyDeleteI have a question, one which I have been struggling with for a long time now. The class I mentioned in this essay I didn't even finish because of the level of discomfort it caused within me. I had to sleep for 3 hours after every class (two times a week! and I am seriously not exaggerating) because of how much the information I learned there made me burn. I couldn't go back after learning what I'd learned. Talk about pure and utter feelings of betrayal, frustration, and helplessness (if I'd stayed with the class, I would have learned more about social action but I suppose I am getting back to that now with R.A.W.).
So here's the question: How do we encourage (well, inspire) people to self-examine (this is very uncomfortable stuff which often makes us vehement or even more closed than we were already). This is the main thing that I am struggling with right now. If that is the core to change, how do we do it? How do we let people know that it is not only necessary but possible?
I know we talk about it a lot in classes and in our friend groups. Talking is great, but how do we surpass our apathies and move forward into action with greater and greater numbers until the changes come?
...and by "couldn't go back," I meant to say, "after learning what I'd learned, I couldn't go back to the old understanding I had of how our society works."
ReplyDelete...and last post script: by "we," I mean to say that we are all in this together.
ReplyDelete