My Yoga: This must be what they meant when they said "beginner's mind"

Photo from my first yoga teacher training -- courtesy of Samadhi Center for Yoga

In a lot of ways, I am starting over in my yoga practice. The going has been really slow and the work this time has been much harder than it’s ever been. It’s taking me longer to get my strength back and so many other things that come along with the practice. But, this is the first time I’m coming to my mat happy to experience the tiny changes that occur, the inner strengthening and alignment, the opening and the improvements that are so slight I could miss them if I was not paying attention. This is the first time I’ve had the patience to just experience those changes and not worry about where I am or should be going next.

Earlier this year, or maybe late last year, I came back to my mat after not really practicing for years. My body was stiff and sore and stagnant. I was embarrassed and angry with myself. While I wasn’t where I had started when I first began a yoga practice in the early 2000s, I had lost a lot of the flexibility and openness I had worked for. Essentially, now, I have to work as if I am a beginner. I consider that a boon.

I think that working as a beginner is probably how we should always come to the mat. As a beginner, we are more prone to be in a state of observation and interest, rather than of doing or accomplishment or just getting it done. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to be able to get into this mindset if I wasn’t kind of forced like I am right now to start again and work with my body in its present state. I think that this beginner’s mind is important and it is much more compassionate than a judicial mind, which nitpicks a soft belly, and an inability to do superhero poses. ;)

Every time I step onto my mat, I have to remind myself that this is where my body is right now. There is only what I can do right now. That’s all I have. …and just in the showing up, even when there are poses I can’t do (which is probably most of the time), even when there are frustrations, tears, and often, feelings of wanting to run out of the room, I come back to my breath. I come back to my breath because I know that this is also how I must live my life. I show up. I do what I can. I breathe. I see the possibilities and I don’t beat myself up because when I return, I can do more and if not, I do what I can again. I breathe again. . . .

The changes from my practice have been so subtle but they have been integral to a solid foundation. You hear that word a lot in yoga classes. There’s good reason, too. Would you build a house on a foundation that might fail? You might, but there would certainly be problems down the road. I am currently interested in building a strong foundation and I am enjoying putting together that part of my house.